Reminders of It All- End of Summer
As summer is drawing to a close we are heading into the time of year where the holidays will be upon us. For some, holidays can be a time of celebrating and spending time with loved ones. For others, especially those who have been abused or assaulted, experienced a loss or crisis, holidays can trigger memories of the loss, the crisis or traumatic event, feelings of being alone and alienated may surface or intensify, depression may develop as well as thoughts of suicide and anxiety.
Holidays have traditionally been associated with family time and traditions, but what if your family was not that happy close knit one that television portrays...what if you are now estranged from your family....what if your family had no traditions or if those traditions were surrounded by secrecy, pain and fear?
Even for those who have reached a point of healing in their journey memories can resurface, feelings can again feel intense, guilt and shame take over and questions of why me, and what did I do to cause this run through their mind. If this is you, you are not alone. We are creatures of habit and when you are raised with guilt and shame, it can be very easy to fall back into the pattern of self doubt and depression when you see what looks like everyone enjoying the holidays and celebrating together. Clients have asked me what can I do? How can I deal with the holidays or any time that the memories start to resurface and bring with it all the guilt and shame and self doubt?
My first answer is to be gentle with yourself. You have had enough people in your life most likely who ignored you, told you to get over it, blamed you and didn't believe you. Accept that you will have times that you feel like you are being pulled backward (you really aren't-remember that). Focus on your strength (you are very strong- you have lived through the loss or traumatic event and have made a decision to have a better life-that is why you are reading this). Remind yourself you are now in control to create a life you want, to change what does not make you happy or secure and to add those things you really want. Maybe its time to create a new meaning for the holidays, new traditions. Holidays are not just for spending time with blood relatives. How about starting a tradition of time spent pampering the most important person-YOU and spending time with people you really like.
You have a choice...you can reflect back on the pain and those things you are missing in your life ..OR.. you can decide right here and now that you are going to create a new and better present and future where the past does not live but happiness, laughter, confidence flourish.
Angela
